Bad Company

Master of your own domain. Be the master of your domain. I see people doing that a lot. At work, at home, out with friends, out shopping, etc. It seems to me like this is something some people consider the ‘be all’. “I work at The Gap, but I’m shift supervisor, and I’m the fucking man”. Now two things come hand in hand with being the master of your own domain. According to Mike. Pride, and ego.

Now, I have a major problem with people who pull the ego trip because they’re the master of their own domain. You know these people. These people sneer at you because you’re new at The Gap. There is an air about these people, because they think they’re better than you. And you hear lines like this around these people: “I’ve been working my way up for years”; or “I’m actually the junior assistant captain, so don’t do anything until you run it past me.” Hahahaha.

I guess I’ve been rubbed the wrong way by too many of these people. In my opinion, they just don’t have a good comprehension of the larger picture. I was going to say that these people are stupid, and have IQ’s that would qualify them for, never mind, but name calling devalues my argument. I think that a better understanding of the larger picture would allow someone to realize that being a big fish in a little bowl still puts you in a little bowl. This seems like the antithesis of ambition.

If you’re thinking that I must have had an episode with someone that sparked this rant, I didn’t. It’s far too common to try to isolate one incident.

A counter argument would be that for some people, this is the end of the line. Another might be that being a master of your own small bowl of a life is better than ass-kissing in the bigtime. Let me be straight on this. If you’re the master of your domain, you don’t bug me. If you’re outwardly proud of it, that’s cool. I have a lot of small time bullshit that makes me proud, and I know that it’s the end of the line for me with it. But to be egotistical to the point where you’re blind to the insignificance of yourself, that strikes me as silly.

I bet I know where this rant is coming from. I bet it’s because deep down I’m afraid that I’ll never get good enough at something significant. Maybe my fate is as a small bowler, or an asskisser in a big bowl. But whether I’m doomed to be a great white in the Vancouver aquarium, or fish food in the pacific, people that pull that ‘master of your domain’ ego are still going into my book o’ retards. I mean, they won’t earn my respect.

Mmm, that felt nice to get off my chest.

'That's why they call me
Bad company'

Keep Yourself Alive

Read Apt Pupil.

I was talking about books today, and I got to thinking, which piece of literature has shaped/influenced me the most? I haven't read nearly the literature that I should have, but Apt Pupil is at the top, regardless of how short the list is.

Apt Pupil taught me to understand the darker side of myself better. I guess I have a fuller, more appropriate understanding of myself after reading it. It's a dark (not scary) tale about coming to age, realizing yourself, and manipulating the dark microcosm's within yourself.

Don't watch the movie. I would score the written version a 10, and the movie doesn't even rank a 1. The last line of the story is the best, and the movie rips out the last 40 pages. I would say that the theme of the film is 'Nazi's = Bad'. The theme of the written version is probably more along the lines of 'people are strange'. It goes just a little deeper than the film.

Apt Pupil isn't an entire novel, it's a novella inside a collection called Different Seasons, by Stephen King. Buy it, or borrow it from me. But you have to read this.

I would love to give a synopsis that is meaningful to someone who might be interested in reading it, but I can't. If I graze the surface, it won't sound like it's worth reading, and if I give you too much...

It's not even 200 pages. You can read by Jan 1st with ease. And it'll probably show you something about yourself, like it did for me.

'I'm counting the cars on the freeway below'

Speak To Me

Yup. Day off.

It was nice to catch up on a lot of different nit-picky things that needed doing.

I had to laugh. Get this. I was playing music tonight with the boys. We decided to end early because Landon and Jer have an exam to study for. We decided that our last song was going to be this slow song without drums. It wound up being a little too emotional to end on. So we poured ourselves a glass of wine each, and hung out a while until the feeling passed. Now we aren't as sad. I'm still laughing about it.

I'm enjoying bartending at work. I've always wanted to try it, and I'm really glad I didn't need to fork over the 700+ dollars to take the course.

Anyway. December is going nice so far. Work doesn't feel like work, play is different, and I have new friends all over the place. Not all new, but new emphasis on old friends. And I have lots of new friends at work. Life in general is much different than it was in November. I gave myself an ultimatum on October 1st that I needed to get my shit together by November 1st. November rolled around and I found myself giving myself the same ultimatum. Oops. Well that's somewhat settled, and I'm a little happier now.

Good luck to the boys on their exams.

'Time to kill today'

Set Yourself On Fire

Yawn. I'm ready for the weekend.

That might be closer to the truth than I want. I'm planning on working tomorrow (and tuesday obviously), but it might not happen. I guess a few days off might not be bad, but I've got good momentum, and want to keep banking.

More later.

'Bartender please'

Life In Technicolor

I went swimming last night.

Oh god I love swimming. You should read an older post, Everyday, to get a better understanding of how much I love the pool.

We played some music last night, and I'm really starting to enjoy our new tracks. We're going heavier and faster, and I think that's a good direction. I think we can find a lot more success if we play harder and faster. The three of us are fairly technical players, and playing harder/faster last night didn't seem to shake any technique.

I don't really have anything else interesting of note to say about yesterday.

Work for one job is slowing down, while work for another is speeding up. Keeping balanced is good. I'm now paying a little more each month to get by. Student loans repayment has started, and it's costing me 40% more than I pay for rent. So my total monthly expenses just went up almost 100%. Time to work.

In december I tend to review what my year looked like. I like compiling lists of stats, and I'm really psyched to do that in a few weeks. How weird does that sound? But really, I'll be taking out a calculator and figuring out how much music I listened to this year, and comparing it to last year. That's my nerdy side.

Why do albums and DVD's get released on Tuesdays?

'If it looks like I'm laughing, I'm really just asking to leave'

Cookie Jar

Do you have good or bad (or no) memories associated with cookie jars? I guess a good memory would be about the good cookies, whereas a bad memory would be getting busted with your hand in the cookie jar. Or maybe there was no cookie jar to create a memory.

That had nothing to do with anything.

Landon bought me truffles today. What a guy. Apparently he's getting into christmas mode pronto, because he bought truffles, and put on frank sonatra carols. Haha. I did feel warm and fuzzy for a second there, then we all kinda snapped out of it and walked away.

A year ago I posted an entry (viginti tres). I told myself that in a year I'd post and come clean about how it was all a lie. So there it is. It's off my chest and I feel much better now. Instead of that entry, I should have written the following: "It snowed. I stayed home."

Pretty typical week this week. I work now until saturday. Nothing fun planned. Maybe play music some night with the boyz. How goddamn boring am I?

After only a few nights with Landon living here, it's already much different around here. I'm obviously going to jump right into slamming my old roommate and proclaiming how great fresh faces are. Nope. But Landon's buddy is spending a week here in mid december, and we're gonna make a good time out of it. Normally Landon goes back to Rupert for the break, but he's here this year. Because of me. Lol.

OH. I'm not going to NIN this friday! Go Mike.

'Falling farther from just what we are
Smoke a cigarette and lie some more'

Decode.

December! My favorite cold month of the year. Unless you consider Edmonton, in which case I like July better.

Hung out with 3 of my close buddies tonight. I guess I could say there's 8 of us guys in a pretty tight knit crew. JC, Saul, Jer, Landon, Court, Lunch, Case, and me. Aside from Landon, we've all hung out since 2000 or before. Anyway, tonight Court, Case, Landon and I made a big seafood dinner up and watched a really bad zombie movie. Lol. Zombie Strippers. It was not good at all. But we had a good laugh.

Saul has officially moved out, and Landon is all in. It's going to be different not living with saul after 4 years. Definitely the end of an era.

I heard a pile of flack about an entry I wrote a few days ago. Which upon investigating my writing style, forces me to now write entries which may be appropriate, but restrict my creative flow. Which may seem like peanuts, but writing does something for me, and writing like that doesn't. So I have a new blog. I'll continue to write 'appropriately' in InStasis, but I'm going to write whatever I want in my other one. Just to satisfy the end that I get from writing freely. Don't tell me not to write sensitive info online, because it isn't public. It was either do that, or make InStasis private, and continue to write the way I want.

I'm looking forward to December, but not looking forward to Tuesday.

OH. I'm going to NIN on Friday! Go Mike.

'Another clever word
sets off an unsuspecting herd'