Best Of You

I should really be going to bed.

I've been working early, and falling behind on sleep, but I caught an hour napping a while ago, so I'm justified to myself.

Long weekend. I coached a couple games this weekend, and coaching is becoming more rewarding as the season goes on. I probably should have expected that. Either way, I'm starting to enjoy it again.

For a while there I wasn't enjoying coaching. I took a mental step back to try and sort out why I was coaching in the first place. I guess it's an easy way to get volunteer time in. And I like soccer. And I like teaching people things. Last year there was more than just that though, and I couldn't place it until recently. It was the 'x factor' that I hadn't made clear to myself, that kept me really coaching, and I didn't have it this season until this week.

When you play sports at a high level, you spend time after your 'sports career' living vicariously through other younger, competitive athletes. This is not a theory of mine, it's well documented. It's really apparent in the American NCAA div1 football system. Vicariously living through sports teams/athletes probably isn't just reserved for ex-athletes, just ask any avid canucks fan who never played hockey.

I consider myself an ex-high level athlete. My height of my sporting career was high school and university. I still play, but it isn't the same. If you've been where I have, you know exactly what I mean. Gameday means something very special to high level athletes, and I didn't know it until I didn't have it to look forward to. It's all about gameday, and the thing I miss most about playing high level, is the feeling of right before, during and after the game. My description could probably be only semi-abstract at best, but you might know anyway.

Now I'm older, and I'm fine with living vicariously through other athletes. I try to leech some of that gameday feeling off athletes playing at the height of their careers. That's the 'x-factor' that makes me enjoy coaching. I get to be a step closer. I still can't recapture the old feeling, but I can be a little more than a by-stander.

Earlier this season, my team was failing to hold me. I wasn't affecting them in any way as a coach, and the soccer didn't remind me of anything I wanted to live vicariously through.

Well, I'm back, baby. I'm making a difference as a coach again, and these athletes that play on my team are making me wish I could get on my boots and play with them.

I was really happy to come to this conclusion, and have the tides turn on me this week. I didn't come to this realization on my own. I actually saw an interesting thing online that resonated deeply with me. I added a link to it here.

Thanks for reading.

'Hand over your heart

let's go home'