July 2026 was a month! With all of Jen's Celebrations of Life behind me now, it's nice to be finished that phase. July was interesting in unexpected ways though. With time to properly grieve and rest following my tough spring, I was aware that time and space could let depression creep in. Boy did it. I'm currently shedding out of a pretty major depressive phase. I know I'm breaking out because I'm cleaning and cooking and I'm not dreading it. I think about being healthy and I strategize about staying healthy. Each time I break out, I try examining the ways I got out to replicate next time. It's usually fruitless, and this time is similar, my reasons for being depressed are so nuanced that it's tough to find parallels and strategies that can repeat.
I guess I HAVE solved the depression puzzle, but the whole point is that the symptoms of my depression paralyze me with indifference and apathy. My key to breaking out of my depressed bouts is to physically make myself do the healthy things when I actively don't want to. Drink the water, take the shower, go into public and do the errand, make the food for yourself. The dehydrated, slovenly, underfed version of me can settle in the depression, but hydrated, clean, and fed me won't tolerate it. And I forget long enough to let myself get dehydrated, slovenly, and hungry again.
Anyway, August is upcoming, and I'm really excited. I'm excited to start my new job at Colquitz in a month. School starts Sept 8, super late. Thanks, calendar! My job is a little undefined at the moment, and I'm excited to clarify my role and advocate for myself. I have the chance to set up a really effective system of managing the most vulnerable learners in the 6-8 middle school. I would estimate my school is mid-level in a lot of areas that matter to me and my job. So I'm not expecting a cake walk or a brutal set of cirumstances. I AM expecting to be looked at as an important leader for most of the school's stakeholders (students, inclusive ed teachers, regular teaching staff, EA's, Admin and office staff, parents, and 3rd party para-professionals) - and I'm expecting to be working amongst all those groups every day. Each of those stakeholders often thinks they're the most important group in the school, and I'll be a consistent conduit between them all. I'm really hopeful my skills mesh well with the school's needs. If so, it would be amazing to have a consistent school for some years.
Avery is a boss, and to revisit the 2nd paragraph above, she's the real depression killer. I love that little girl - all day every day. She is remarkably regulated, I would venture that's maybe her biggest personality outlier. She is so regulated in so many ways, I never experience frustration getting her to comply or change behaviour or start/end a task. It's truly remarkable. Today we made a fruit crumble today and she asked me what happens when we die. Sheesh. She ran her first fever in 18 months this morning, kicked it within an hour. Hand, foot, and mouth disease hit a classmate of hers so we've been extra clean all week. And she's definitely fighting something off with a handful of mini-symptoms.
This August I've a week of grinding estate/tax/CPP tasks and a bunch of one-off social engagements to schedule and attend. I've got a busy back half of the month at Colquitz, getting some incoming families feeling good and some systems in place for a few students with severe disabilities. It should be a great balance, and I'm truly motivated to work hard to hit September in a good place.
Thanks for reading.
'Your favourite song was on the oldies station'
No comments:
Post a Comment