I'm becoming less defined, as days go by
Fading away, well you might say I'm losing focus.
Kind of drifting into the abstract in terms of how I see myself
Sometimes, I think I can see right through myself
Sometimes, I think I can see right through myself
Sometimes, I can see right through myself
Less concerned, about fitting into the world
Your world that is, cause it doesn't really matter anymore
No, it doesn't really matter anymore
None of this really matters anymore
Yes, I am alone, but then again I always was
As far back as I can tell, I think maybe it's because
Because you were never really real to begin with
I just made you up to hurt myself
I just made you up to hurt myself
Yeah, and I just made you up to hurt myself
I just made you up to hurt myself
Yeah, and I just made you up to hurt myself
And it worked
Yes it did!
When, the tiniest little dot caught my eye
And it turned out to be a scab
And I had this funny feeling
Like I just knew it's something bad
I just couldn't leave it alone
I kept picking at that scab
It was a doorway trying to seal itself shut
But I climbed through
Now I'm somewhere I am not supposed to be
And I can see things I know I really shouldn't see
And now I know why now, now I know why
Things aren't as pretty on the inside
'Only'
Friday, February 27, 2009
Phantom Limb
What does a sore hand, a house/trance play list, and a snow day have in common?
Probably my day.
I wish I had done more with my day. I changed the bandage on my hand, getting the first real look at my wound. Let's just say it's realllly ugly. At least boys like scars.
Landon got up (hung over) this morning, to bring his uncle back home here for a visit. He (the uncle), just came back from Thailand, and he brought back a few turn-tables and a sound system. I learned how to mix tracks and create trance/house music mixes, which may or may not have been more fun if I were sober. Alas, I wasn't, for he also brought back booze, which was quickly consumed. Quick question. If the duty limit is 1 bottle, and you're in Thailand, why would you buy a brand that is also sold in Canada?? Oh well. I can't really complain. I kinda like Stolichnaya anyway.
So my hand was bugging me all day, and I was learning how to DJ. Not at all a conflict. Good thing it was a snow day. Why it randomly snowed 8-10 inches last night, I have no idea.
Whatever else is new, doesn't really matter. I miss Jer (he hasn't been home in a week, and I miss the conversation), and I also miss reading reading break. Not being in school takes it's toll, especially when I'm not really doing anything anyways.
My apologies for blogging while drunk. I don't usually, and tonight I find myself spell-checking like a mofo. I find that BWD (blogging while drunk), may satisfy my need to write, but it really doesn't really show any originality or unique-ness.
I promise that next entry will be more legit., and worth reading.
On a final (and maybe sober) moment, good luck to Blake this weekend. He's in a tough squash tourny, and I hope he makes some upsets happen...
'This town seems hardly worth our time'
Probably my day.
I wish I had done more with my day. I changed the bandage on my hand, getting the first real look at my wound. Let's just say it's realllly ugly. At least boys like scars.
Landon got up (hung over) this morning, to bring his uncle back home here for a visit. He (the uncle), just came back from Thailand, and he brought back a few turn-tables and a sound system. I learned how to mix tracks and create trance/house music mixes, which may or may not have been more fun if I were sober. Alas, I wasn't, for he also brought back booze, which was quickly consumed. Quick question. If the duty limit is 1 bottle, and you're in Thailand, why would you buy a brand that is also sold in Canada?? Oh well. I can't really complain. I kinda like Stolichnaya anyway.
So my hand was bugging me all day, and I was learning how to DJ. Not at all a conflict. Good thing it was a snow day. Why it randomly snowed 8-10 inches last night, I have no idea.
Whatever else is new, doesn't really matter. I miss Jer (he hasn't been home in a week, and I miss the conversation), and I also miss reading reading break. Not being in school takes it's toll, especially when I'm not really doing anything anyways.
My apologies for blogging while drunk. I don't usually, and tonight I find myself spell-checking like a mofo. I find that BWD (blogging while drunk), may satisfy my need to write, but it really doesn't really show any originality or unique-ness.
I promise that next entry will be more legit., and worth reading.
On a final (and maybe sober) moment, good luck to Blake this weekend. He's in a tough squash tourny, and I hope he makes some upsets happen...
'This town seems hardly worth our time'
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Creation Lake
Day off today. I had yesterday off as well, and it was supposed to be my only day off this week. Maybe I shouldn't do stupid things on my day off, that create more days off...
I went quadding yesterday with JC, Landon, and Sam. We went exploring for a while and eventually found a random small lake to have a fire and relax. JC went for a walk on the frozen lake, I made a fire, and Landon helped with the beer consumption. It was a really fun time, even after I hurt myself. I managed to cut my hand pretty bad, and I was really annoyed more than anything else. The rest of the day was just as fun, but I knew that I needed a tetanus shot and stitches as soon as we got home.
Great day off. But like I said, I was pretty pissed at hurting myself. My right hand is outta commission for up to ten days. I can't really even open my hand. Props to the ER guy, who was pretty funny and cleaned me up good. And a big fuck you to the walk-in clinic guy, who dug around in my hand, and couldn't help me. I've gotten stitches at a walk-in before, this guy just seemed like he didn't want to deal with it. Oh well.
That's it for me. Not much else is going on. I'm supposed to be working, and I don't much else planned.
'make the best of what's around'
I went quadding yesterday with JC, Landon, and Sam. We went exploring for a while and eventually found a random small lake to have a fire and relax. JC went for a walk on the frozen lake, I made a fire, and Landon helped with the beer consumption. It was a really fun time, even after I hurt myself. I managed to cut my hand pretty bad, and I was really annoyed more than anything else. The rest of the day was just as fun, but I knew that I needed a tetanus shot and stitches as soon as we got home.
Great day off. But like I said, I was pretty pissed at hurting myself. My right hand is outta commission for up to ten days. I can't really even open my hand. Props to the ER guy, who was pretty funny and cleaned me up good. And a big fuck you to the walk-in clinic guy, who dug around in my hand, and couldn't help me. I've gotten stitches at a walk-in before, this guy just seemed like he didn't want to deal with it. Oh well.
That's it for me. Not much else is going on. I'm supposed to be working, and I don't much else planned.
'make the best of what's around'
Monday, February 23, 2009
What A Scene
I've thought about blogging lots in the last week. I probably should have posted a little more, but I really haven't spent much time on a computer recently.
I feel like I just had the busiest week of the year so far. I'm sure when I spell it out, it won't sound like much, but whatever. It was my first week of fulltime work (thank you), and i did a bunch of stuff in between.
This post, as long as it took, is my 200th of this blog. Club two hundy! I was staring at ~190 for eternity it seemed.
Oh! So I have a vacation planned. Before I get into it, I just want to say that it isn't my first choice for a vaycay.But then again, I'm not much of a trip planner, and I'll obv have a good time on this one. A bunch of us are going to L.A. for a few days in mid-march. The details aren't ironed out yet (we ARE boys), but we'll catch at least one canucks game, and go to either disneyland or vegas. And I know, Vegas isn't in L.A.
I'm pretty stoked. Jeff, Josh Hample, and I are in for sure, and we're waiting word on a few other guys. While I haven't hung out with Josh much in the last few years, it'll be our third major roadtrip together. The other two were nothing short of a great time...
Like my last post, I have just tons to talk about that I won't get to. The music I'm listening to, the exercise I'm doing, things I'm loving/hating, the things I've accomplished while ignoring other (more important?) things, etc. I'll just say that I'm doing tons, and I wish I could have posted every day last week to get it all out.
Weird story. The day after our kegger last week, our plumbing wasn't working. Like, we couldn't go to the bathroom, have a shower, do dishes, do laundry, or run water in general. We figured it was a result of the party, because there was just no other explanation. Turns out that the root structure in a tree in the front yard was causing a blockage or something. Anyway. Major work needs to be done there. Anyone have a bobcat that mike can fuck around on in his front yard?
Oh one last thing. I've steered this blog away from basically any sort of argumentative content, and maybe that's why it's gotten boring. I don't really like hearing other people's opinions on my own opinions, because I usually take unnecessary offense. Anyway, I read 5-10 other blogs, and find myself enjoying non argumentative content rather than people taking sides on complex issues. Maybe it's just my nature. I think I'll force myself to write a rant a little more often, just to change things up. Abortion anyone?
I'm pro choice, bitch.
'And when you're looking for truth on the cover of a magazine
How does it feel?
When you found out what you're not going to be'
I feel like I just had the busiest week of the year so far. I'm sure when I spell it out, it won't sound like much, but whatever. It was my first week of fulltime work (thank you), and i did a bunch of stuff in between.
This post, as long as it took, is my 200th of this blog. Club two hundy! I was staring at ~190 for eternity it seemed.
Oh! So I have a vacation planned. Before I get into it, I just want to say that it isn't my first choice for a vaycay.But then again, I'm not much of a trip planner, and I'll obv have a good time on this one. A bunch of us are going to L.A. for a few days in mid-march. The details aren't ironed out yet (we ARE boys), but we'll catch at least one canucks game, and go to either disneyland or vegas. And I know, Vegas isn't in L.A.
I'm pretty stoked. Jeff, Josh Hample, and I are in for sure, and we're waiting word on a few other guys. While I haven't hung out with Josh much in the last few years, it'll be our third major roadtrip together. The other two were nothing short of a great time...
Like my last post, I have just tons to talk about that I won't get to. The music I'm listening to, the exercise I'm doing, things I'm loving/hating, the things I've accomplished while ignoring other (more important?) things, etc. I'll just say that I'm doing tons, and I wish I could have posted every day last week to get it all out.
Weird story. The day after our kegger last week, our plumbing wasn't working. Like, we couldn't go to the bathroom, have a shower, do dishes, do laundry, or run water in general. We figured it was a result of the party, because there was just no other explanation. Turns out that the root structure in a tree in the front yard was causing a blockage or something. Anyway. Major work needs to be done there. Anyone have a bobcat that mike can fuck around on in his front yard?
Oh one last thing. I've steered this blog away from basically any sort of argumentative content, and maybe that's why it's gotten boring. I don't really like hearing other people's opinions on my own opinions, because I usually take unnecessary offense. Anyway, I read 5-10 other blogs, and find myself enjoying non argumentative content rather than people taking sides on complex issues. Maybe it's just my nature. I think I'll force myself to write a rant a little more often, just to change things up. Abortion anyone?
I'm pro choice, bitch.
'And when you're looking for truth on the cover of a magazine
How does it feel?
When you found out what you're not going to be'
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Untouched
Ahh. Busy few days. Can I tell you about it?
First, My brother was in town with Lochlun, Jody, and her parents this weekend. There was a baby shower on Sunday, and lets just say that some people are pretty generous. Doesn't make me want to have a kid any more than I did before. Now that Lochlun is over a month old, I'm seeing a trend change in people, and I am very happy about it. Over the course of the pregnancy, and during last month after Lochlun was born, people were treating the whole situation like a novelty. Oh kids are fantastic, etc. Then whoever it was, and it was everyone, would turn to me and ask when I was going to follow suit, and have a kid. It was funny at first. It was funny all summer actually. Then it got kind of old, can you imagine?
Oops, two rhetorical questions in one entry.
Sunday night my Oma was taken to hospital, and was diagnosed with having a "T.I.A." or Transient ischemic attack. It's a small stroke, and she had a more serious stroke a few years ago. She's healthier than my only other living grandparent, and it's really sad. I picked up my Oma on Sunday morning from Qualicum to go to the baby shower. On the drive I was grilling her about exercise and staying active, and she mentioned that she felt like she was the healthiest she could possibly be. She walks regularly, and does group exercise no less than 4 days a week with a trainer. Over the last few months, I've talked with and learned more from my Oma than ever before. I really hope she recovers well.
Family health is on the hotstove these days. The last time I lost a family member was in grade 12, and it was pretty hard for me to deal with. In fact, my parents and extended family were sort of offended with the way I acted. For the record, I didn't think I stepped out of line. My Opa had been really sick, and when he died, the men in the family were nominated as pall bearers, and I declined. I dealt with it in my own way, and I obv. meant no disrespect. I really hope the three sick people in my immediate family recover and live several more years.
I could really write lots more about my party, my soccer game, working, etc., but thinking and writing about my Oma kind of took the wind outta my sails.
I'm doing pretty good these days.
'Cocaine cowgirl, she's out catching eyes'
First, My brother was in town with Lochlun, Jody, and her parents this weekend. There was a baby shower on Sunday, and lets just say that some people are pretty generous. Doesn't make me want to have a kid any more than I did before. Now that Lochlun is over a month old, I'm seeing a trend change in people, and I am very happy about it. Over the course of the pregnancy, and during last month after Lochlun was born, people were treating the whole situation like a novelty. Oh kids are fantastic, etc. Then whoever it was, and it was everyone, would turn to me and ask when I was going to follow suit, and have a kid. It was funny at first. It was funny all summer actually. Then it got kind of old, can you imagine?
Oops, two rhetorical questions in one entry.
Sunday night my Oma was taken to hospital, and was diagnosed with having a "T.I.A." or Transient ischemic attack. It's a small stroke, and she had a more serious stroke a few years ago. She's healthier than my only other living grandparent, and it's really sad. I picked up my Oma on Sunday morning from Qualicum to go to the baby shower. On the drive I was grilling her about exercise and staying active, and she mentioned that she felt like she was the healthiest she could possibly be. She walks regularly, and does group exercise no less than 4 days a week with a trainer. Over the last few months, I've talked with and learned more from my Oma than ever before. I really hope she recovers well.
Family health is on the hotstove these days. The last time I lost a family member was in grade 12, and it was pretty hard for me to deal with. In fact, my parents and extended family were sort of offended with the way I acted. For the record, I didn't think I stepped out of line. My Opa had been really sick, and when he died, the men in the family were nominated as pall bearers, and I declined. I dealt with it in my own way, and I obv. meant no disrespect. I really hope the three sick people in my immediate family recover and live several more years.
I could really write lots more about my party, my soccer game, working, etc., but thinking and writing about my Oma kind of took the wind outta my sails.
I'm doing pretty good these days.
'Cocaine cowgirl, she's out catching eyes'
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Load Me Up
Happy V-day.
I find valentine's day kind of weird. The single population doesn't really like it, and half the non-single people, mostly guys (IMO), don't give a hoot. I almost feel bad for the people who take vday really serious. I'm an inbetweener I think. It's different every year I guess.
So. Party tonight. The house looks really spic. The drums and P.A. system are outta the house, and now we have tons of 'hanging around' room. I went to work and got a ____ of ice. How is ice measured? Cubic feet, Liters, etc.? I think cubic feet work best, and I figure we have almost a yard of ice. So wayyyy too much. But I got it at noon, and I need it to last 14 hours or so. Me and Landon are the drink hosts, but we'll see how long that lasts.
Anyway, aside from the party, not much is new. I won't mention exciting, because nothing is ever exciting it seems. I have a playoff soccer game tonight, and it's really important. I guess that's exciting to me. I'll probably play a full 90', but mostly because we're short on guys.
I'm going to get back out with Blake next week for a run, and Monday nights are now basketball nights. So soccer tues/thur/sat, basketball mon, and running in there as well. Awesome.
After not really being online for a week, I figured I would have more to say. I miss Saul. We used to hang out lots, and it's created somewhat of a void. He was the only guy I really talked to. Weird. He'll be back in a few months, and we'll catch up like a mofo.
Have a good weekend and all that.
'This time, everything is easy'
I find valentine's day kind of weird. The single population doesn't really like it, and half the non-single people, mostly guys (IMO), don't give a hoot. I almost feel bad for the people who take vday really serious. I'm an inbetweener I think. It's different every year I guess.
So. Party tonight. The house looks really spic. The drums and P.A. system are outta the house, and now we have tons of 'hanging around' room. I went to work and got a ____ of ice. How is ice measured? Cubic feet, Liters, etc.? I think cubic feet work best, and I figure we have almost a yard of ice. So wayyyy too much. But I got it at noon, and I need it to last 14 hours or so. Me and Landon are the drink hosts, but we'll see how long that lasts.
Anyway, aside from the party, not much is new. I won't mention exciting, because nothing is ever exciting it seems. I have a playoff soccer game tonight, and it's really important. I guess that's exciting to me. I'll probably play a full 90', but mostly because we're short on guys.
I'm going to get back out with Blake next week for a run, and Monday nights are now basketball nights. So soccer tues/thur/sat, basketball mon, and running in there as well. Awesome.
After not really being online for a week, I figured I would have more to say. I miss Saul. We used to hang out lots, and it's created somewhat of a void. He was the only guy I really talked to. Weird. He'll be back in a few months, and we'll catch up like a mofo.
Have a good weekend and all that.
'This time, everything is easy'
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Big Egos
It's been a few days since I posted. It's also been a few days since I have been online. Normally when I don't use internet for a few days, It's because I'm away or something. It's weird having normal days, and not being on my computer at all. How far have I come to rely so heavily on a computer? I obviously don't as much as I think, because in reality, it wasn't that weird.
Anyway, party at my house this weekend. Sigh. I guess at least it's an excuse to get the house clean. And in many cases, it's the only time I get to see a lot of friends. It's on valentines day, although I don't know what that means. I have a soccer game Saturday night, and hopefully we can bang out a win, then drink (excessively) to it.
Not much else is new. Tilting that balance between work and play more to the work side.
My brother is coming to town this weekend, and there's a baby shower on Sunday. My parents are so excited to host like 30 people at their house. Go mom.
I tried downloading and watching a few different tv shows (the wire, entourage, the office, etc.), and I just don't like tv. I guess that's good. I'm really happy that I have thursdays where I can go "OMG, it's thursday, I have soccer practice tonight" rather than "OMG, it's monday, Gossip Girl is going to be so good tonight." You know? I mean, all for routines, but the evening 1hr trendy tv show phenomenon strikes me as somewhere I never want to be.
Well, there it is. Another week is flying by. Where are the days/weeks/months going? I need to be in a place (figurative, maybe literal too) by the time school ends for my roommates. They are not sticking around, and I need to have a set of things figured out by then. Maybe I'll make that list soon.
One of my favorite lines in any song is about time. It's in a song by bad religion, who can hardly be credited with insightful song writing. Oh well.
'What's time but a thing to kill or keep or buy or lose or live in?
I gotta go faster'
Anyway, party at my house this weekend. Sigh. I guess at least it's an excuse to get the house clean. And in many cases, it's the only time I get to see a lot of friends. It's on valentines day, although I don't know what that means. I have a soccer game Saturday night, and hopefully we can bang out a win, then drink (excessively) to it.
Not much else is new. Tilting that balance between work and play more to the work side.
My brother is coming to town this weekend, and there's a baby shower on Sunday. My parents are so excited to host like 30 people at their house. Go mom.
I tried downloading and watching a few different tv shows (the wire, entourage, the office, etc.), and I just don't like tv. I guess that's good. I'm really happy that I have thursdays where I can go "OMG, it's thursday, I have soccer practice tonight" rather than "OMG, it's monday, Gossip Girl is going to be so good tonight." You know? I mean, all for routines, but the evening 1hr trendy tv show phenomenon strikes me as somewhere I never want to be.
Well, there it is. Another week is flying by. Where are the days/weeks/months going? I need to be in a place (figurative, maybe literal too) by the time school ends for my roommates. They are not sticking around, and I need to have a set of things figured out by then. Maybe I'll make that list soon.
One of my favorite lines in any song is about time. It's in a song by bad religion, who can hardly be credited with insightful song writing. Oh well.
'What's time but a thing to kill or keep or buy or lose or live in?
I gotta go faster'
Friday, February 6, 2009
The Stone
Ahhh Friday.
I'm pretty happy with how my week went, although I could have worked a little harder. Oh well.
I want to mention that Courtlan is leaving town again, possibly for 4-6 months. I haven't hung out with him as much as the last few months. Although we've been friends since high school, I never really got to know him until a little while ago. Anyway, he's off again to go fishing, and things are going to be a little different around here without him. Obviously, as we probably hang out 5 days a week.
Speaking of things changing, I had an interesting soccer practice last night. It was indoor, and we practiced with the U-21's. I played against 18-20 year old's for a few hours, and basically got taken to school. It was honestly a little depressing. I used to be that guy. I realize that I'm not that far removed, but I am removed, and now I'm one of those guys that I used to enjoy playing against. I mean, over two hours, I took my chances well. I just was in marvel of the skill level of the younger guys, and I couldn't help thinking, "that was me not so long ago". Oh well. I'm not a real big dweller. I get back to it on Sunday, and I'm excited about it.
Work, play, work, play. I can't say I have the best balance right now, but it isn't bad.
Have a good weekend if you have one.
'Don't say it doesn't matter - matter anymore.'
I'm pretty happy with how my week went, although I could have worked a little harder. Oh well.
I want to mention that Courtlan is leaving town again, possibly for 4-6 months. I haven't hung out with him as much as the last few months. Although we've been friends since high school, I never really got to know him until a little while ago. Anyway, he's off again to go fishing, and things are going to be a little different around here without him. Obviously, as we probably hang out 5 days a week.
Speaking of things changing, I had an interesting soccer practice last night. It was indoor, and we practiced with the U-21's. I played against 18-20 year old's for a few hours, and basically got taken to school. It was honestly a little depressing. I used to be that guy. I realize that I'm not that far removed, but I am removed, and now I'm one of those guys that I used to enjoy playing against. I mean, over two hours, I took my chances well. I just was in marvel of the skill level of the younger guys, and I couldn't help thinking, "that was me not so long ago". Oh well. I'm not a real big dweller. I get back to it on Sunday, and I'm excited about it.
Work, play, work, play. I can't say I have the best balance right now, but it isn't bad.
Have a good weekend if you have one.
'Don't say it doesn't matter - matter anymore.'
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Big Calm
Wow. Where's January?
It's been almost a week since I posted last, and it's been a pretty busy time since. I had a pretty sports filled weekend. We lost our game in Victoria this weekend, which was lame. I played 70 or so minutes, and it feels like I'm really getting into shape now. I tried to wear a pedometer during the game, just for curiosity's sake. Yeah, I lost the sucker.
I didn't watch, but I followed UFC94 this weekend as well. I'm stoked that a Canadian is essentially undisputed as the best fighter in the world. Sunday, I obviously made time to watch the Superbowl. I was cheering for the underdog, and they did what underdogs do so well. Made a serious run, shocked some people, and still came up short. What a great game though.
This week I'm pretty busy. I have a very important 'meeting' next week, and it's going to take at least 20 hours prep this week. I call it a meeting because I don't know what else to call it. The owner of NR fitness is evaluating me on a 244 question booklet, an oral exam, and a extensive workout walk-through. I'm really excited.
Other than that, I have a typical week (some work, some soccer, some fun) planned in between prepping for that. I'm actually heading out right now to go golfing with a couple buddies. Well, pitch and putting. Out of the three of us, I'm definitely the least skilled player. I like it that way...
Anyway, have a good week. Thanks for reading.
'Ain't it the life?'
It's been almost a week since I posted last, and it's been a pretty busy time since. I had a pretty sports filled weekend. We lost our game in Victoria this weekend, which was lame. I played 70 or so minutes, and it feels like I'm really getting into shape now. I tried to wear a pedometer during the game, just for curiosity's sake. Yeah, I lost the sucker.
I didn't watch, but I followed UFC94 this weekend as well. I'm stoked that a Canadian is essentially undisputed as the best fighter in the world. Sunday, I obviously made time to watch the Superbowl. I was cheering for the underdog, and they did what underdogs do so well. Made a serious run, shocked some people, and still came up short. What a great game though.
This week I'm pretty busy. I have a very important 'meeting' next week, and it's going to take at least 20 hours prep this week. I call it a meeting because I don't know what else to call it. The owner of NR fitness is evaluating me on a 244 question booklet, an oral exam, and a extensive workout walk-through. I'm really excited.
Other than that, I have a typical week (some work, some soccer, some fun) planned in between prepping for that. I'm actually heading out right now to go golfing with a couple buddies. Well, pitch and putting. Out of the three of us, I'm definitely the least skilled player. I like it that way...
Anyway, have a good week. Thanks for reading.
'Ain't it the life?'
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